Getting Older: Birthdays and Life Lessons

Yesterday I turned 29, and after a lovely relaxed evening with friends and little ones, I though about how different I used to view birthdays.  Over the years my feelings have changed gradually towards birthdays.  As a child I boiled over with excitement for my birthday party!  I always had tons of friends over to help celebrate, and my parents went all out! 

Things started to change a little around my 13th birthday.  By this time I had a few different groups of friends: I was going to a new school, so I had new friends, had my good friends from my old school, friends that were home schooled and my dance friends.  It was too difficult to keep everyone happy and getting along, and in the end I was the one who was unhappy :(  Gradually over the course of high school my birthday celebrations got a lot more low key.  Less people and shorter parties. 

As I got older I had a harder and harder time hosting parties, even though I loved being a host, because I would always want things to go a certain way, and I'd get stressed if it didn't live up to my expectations.  in 2010 I spent my birthday alone, because I just wanted it to be a day where I did what I wanted to do.  I went to my favorite restaurant, bought a little cake from my favorite bakery, had a glass of wine and relaxed in a bubble bath.  Last year I spent just with my family where we went to Nelson for the day and out for dinner.  This year I think might have been my favorite so far!  It was my first birthday as a Mama, and I decided I just wanted to invite a few close girlfriends over to visit.  I told everyone it was pot luck style, so we all contributed, and we spent the evening chatting, laughing and playing with the kidlets.

Over the past 3 years I have definitely become more relaxed and layed back in general.  I think that this is the most important thing when looking at hosting any kind of event.  Remembering that no one is ever in FULL CONTROL of how an event will turn out, so that you can relax and just enjoy the moment.  Don't worry about being late, or other people being on time.  Don't make rigid plans, because when there's more than just you involved things change minute to minute!

Over all... I am really enjoying getting older!

Single Mama Artist And That Dreaded Thing Called MONEY...

I moved back to the Kootenays for many reasons (top 3 being):

1-I utterly missed the Mountains

2-Small town life

3-To start working my way out of DEBT

City living was a hard hit on my wallet.  Not only was the cost of living high in Chicago, but the zillions of restaurants were almost an addiction to me.  I ate out probably at least one meal a day, and that takes it's toll on the monthly income.  I also had student loan debt and credit card debt up the wazoo, so it was difficult to make ends meet.  So difficult, that in January 2010 I was looking for options for a second job, and somehow stumbled into Mary Kay.  It was definitely an experience, but it didn't turn out to be the job for me.  I decided around May that at the end of the summer I would make my move back to beautiful BC.  I worked hard at making sure I had jobs lined up before I moved, and my parents agreed to let me stay in their basement until I could save up enough money to rent the log house in Fruitvale.

Fast forward to September 2010...back in BC, working 3 jobs to keep up with my debt payment and trying to save a little.  I was teaching dance and musical theatre at Steps Dance Centre, Acting classes through the City of Trail, and also working as a barista at The Alpine Grind.  I went to my Credit Union and got a personal loan from them in order to consolidate my debt, lowering my monthly payments of $900 to around $525.  That definitely helped out.  

In January 2011 I found out I was expecting a baby in September...and was thrilled beyond belief!  The only stresser was the money issue...the fact that my partner had been out of work since the previous April, and didn't live in Canada.  My parents have been super generous and offered to make the basement into a mini-suite by adding a kitchenette, and converting the guest room into a nursery for baby.  

A few short months later, my partner was still in Chicago, jobless, when he said he was going to be back in about 3-6 weeks, and I had just had a horrible first trimester.  I finally realized that part of the reason I was so stressed was that I was worrying about taking care of two children (one being my partner).  So I cut the ties, and realized I would be better off on my own.

When I found out I was getting $600 back from my U.S taxes I was thrilled because I knew I could put that directly toward my debt, and that's what I did.  I did my research about going on Mat leave through EI, and Child Tax Benefits, and so on, and came up with a monthly budget i could live with for the first year of my baby's life.  My parents have been a steady support, and are always willing to help (even though sometimes I find it hard to actually ask them for help).

September 2011: baby Malakai is born!!!!

I applied for sick leave in August and then had it transferred to Maternity, then Parental of course.  Dealing with EI has been quite a hassle.  Every time they say they are going to do something, they don't, and i have to re-do it, and then over the past couple months they've been so backed up that they don't even put you on hold anymore...they say to try again later.  I tried for 2 months to get through, and finally when my bank account was severely suffering from not being paid in 2 months, I called my local MP's office to try and get some help.  They were awesome and within a week i was paid for the past 3 pay periods!  I honestly don't know how minimum wage employees make it on maternity without the support of someone else.  If i wasn't living rent free, id have to be on welfare!  I was worried because I also realized that I was receiving "extra" money from Child Tax Credit and Universal Child Tax Benefit and was worried because I hadn't been reporting that.  While looking on the website to try and find out if I was supposed to be claiming that as income I noticed something about Family Supplement for families with low income.  This would raise your weekly wage if you qualified, and  I had never heard of it!  Yesterday I made my way into Service Canada to ask my questions.  THANK GOD!  I don't have to claim my tax credits/benefits, and they automatically changed my wage on my last few pay periods (I obviously didn't check the numbers)!  So yay!

At the beginning of January I received a letter from the IRS stating that I owed $850+.  I was furious!  My dad helped me check everything over, and they were actually correct, man that stings when they gave you $600 eight months before, now they want it back PLUS!  I am having a really difficult time with this whole U.S. thing.  Now they are saying that every U.S. citizen has to file taxes in the States, even if they live in another country and file taxes there.  They are just trying to squeeze money out anywhere they can! Thankfully I have done my taxes in the states every year since I applied for citizenship, so I don't owe anything there, but this year I have to file taxes in the States and Canada, even though I did not live OR work in the states at all in 2011.  Stupid if you ask me.

I just want to remind you that the government (in Canada OR the U.S.) doesn't want to just hand over money to you.  So if you are having to jump hurdles to get it, don't give up.  That's what they want you to do.

Healthy Mama...and other tid bits.

After having a baby in September and having a rough post-partum, by mid October I had actually gained 4lbs, even with breast feeding.  I was back to emotional eating and was eating everything in sight, and a lot of it!  I was a little discouraged to say the least, but it was a wake up call.  In the fall of 2010 I had lost 12lbs using myfitnesspal on my iPhone.  This app enables one to input their calorie intake and exercise, and the amount of weight you want to lose per week (or if you just want to maintain).  So it calculates the caloric intake you should be having each day.  It really helped me see the amount of food I was putting in my mouth.  So, in November 2011 I decided to get back on track.

In 2 months I lost 15lbs!  I know most of you are thinking "what a hassle! I don't want to input everything I eat!".  Well I'll just say that it does take commitment, but if you start recording everything you eat, you become aware of how much you should be having.  I don't by any means limit the types of food I eat, because let's face it, it's unrealistic to say "I'm NEVER going to eat ____".  When I started in November my caloric intake was pretty low, but once a week I gave myself a free day where I could eat whatever I wanted.  Free days were a learning curve too.  If I looked at the amount of calories I used to take in on a normal day, my free days were actually less than what I used to eat EVERY DAY!  Now, I have mostly eliminated my "free" day, (since having a free day every week is really unnecessary) and upped my daily caloric intake by about 200 calories.  Now I realize that breastfeeding is having a huge impact too, but it feels so good to lose weight gradually.

I highly recommend checking out http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ if you are looking for a "nudge" in your weight loss or if you are simply having a hard time maintaining.  It works similarly to facebook in that you can add friends, and be connected to different groups for accountability and encouragement.

Of course, it is not just all about the food you eat, it is about how much you move.  All we have to do is "EAT LESS and MOVE MORE"!  It comes in handy to be a dance teacher!  So I am getting a bit of exercise 5 days a week at least, and try to do more.

ABOVE ALL...it's a complete lifestyle change.  It's not a DIET.  I'm changing the way I think about food and exercise.  I am blessed to have awesome support in my best friend, who has changed her lifestyle slowly over the last couple of years, and is living a super healthy life now.

Other tips for living a healthy life:

1. Keep stress to a minimum

2. Do something for your mind, body and soul EVERY DAY! (-Marissa Chastain)

3. Nourish your body

4. Laugh daily

5. Drink lots of water

6. Do something active instead of watching TV (even if it's just playing Wii)

7. Spend time with family

8. Do something creative

9. Do something nice for someone else and expect nothing in return.

10. Do something out of your comfort zone.

Well folks, that's it for now.  Next blog to come will probably include information about taxes, maternity leave, and child tax benefits.

Peace, Health and Love...

MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

The Creative Mama...

So, I have been back teaching now for 3 weeks, and let me tell you it is stretching m creative brain.  I have never choreographed so many dances at once, and on top of that, many of them I am only choreographing the second half, as the first half was done while I was on Maternity.  So I have all of these songs and steps swimming around in my brain, and I'm trying to make sense of them all!

I quite enjoy getting to dance and choreograph for the students, but when a class thinks that it's social hour instead of dance hour, I get really frustrated.  I have less of a problem being away from my darling boy, if the kids are actually learning, and want to be there to dance, but when they seem uninterested I feel like walking out and telling them I could be spending time with my son!

I'm looking forward to the day that all of the choreography is done and I can concentrate on getting them ready for performances.

Another plus side is that I get to get a little bit of exercise while I teach! 

Learning As I Go

So if you read my last post it sounded like I was really trying to get Kai on a schedule and sleeping on his own...like I said earlier, I am reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and so far it has been helpful, the only problem is, I decided to try some techniques before I read through the whole book.  

Kai had Colic early on, and after reading more into the book, it clearly says that babies that had colic develop their ability to fall asleep on their own a lot slower than other babies.  It also suggests that although you may allow a normal baby to cry for up to an hour, you shouldn't if your baby had colic.  So I was a little frustrated, but also relieved I guess.  I'm not really the type of person that needs a rigid schedule, but because he only sleeps 30 minutes at a time during the day, and is up every 2-3 hours at night, if I try to get anything done I have to stay up later than him, and then I'm in the deep pit of exhaustion.  I know that this is part of being a mother, and I'm not complaining.  Just trying to figure out what works best for my family.  I do NOT like to hear my baby cry, but sometimes there is NOTHING I can do to comfort him.  Of course it's our natural instinct to want to comfort our children, but sometimes we just have to put him or her down and walk away for our own sanity.

Most people say that babies should be getting 12-14 hours of sleep every night, and then about 4-5 during the day.  But what I didn't know is that some babies just sleep less.  And that's OK!  I was worried that Kai wasn't getting enough sleep, so I was trying to make sure if he was only sleeping 30 minutes, that he was only awake an hour in between.  Once I started doing this, he wouldn't go down for the night until 8 or 9, and be up at 5:30 or 6.  So now, I'm trying to give him longer awake time in the afternoon, so that he can go to sleep by 6 or 7 for the night, because no matter what time he goes to bed he's up between 5:30 and 6:30.

It is so comforting to have my parents around to confirm that I'm not doing an awful job of parenting Kai.  I just need to keep trying different things and see what works for us.  This is hard too, because small babies change their own routines so often that it's hard to keep up.  The biggest thing is just to be flexible and not so stuck in "My baby HAS to do it this way". 

So I am not going to worry about a nap routine till at least 6 months, and who knows, by then he might have fallen into his own routine by himself.

I learn new things every day...like mamas should :) 

I love you my little Malakai

Sleep Training and the new mama...

Well...here I sit watching a cheezy teen rom-com (a guilty pleasure of mine), after a tiring evening of sleep training Kai.  I was away all day today, but Grammie and Pop Pop did an awesome job of keeping Kai in his crib for his naps :)  As the little guy was up at 5:45am this morning, I thought an early bedtime was on the menu.  I took my sweetie downstairs for a diaper change, song time and story time.  I lay down with him as per usual (bedtime is the only time now that he gets to fall asleep at the breast), and after a full feed he just wanted to talk and giggle.  So, I decided that I better leave him alone if he wasn't sleeping while eating.  He cried for a painful 35 minutes and then fell asleep on his own!  Grammie is a little paranoid and wanted to make sure he was still alive, even though I though it best not to.  I listened in on the monitor while she went down to "peek" in on him and of course...he woke up screaming (which I knew would happen after only 10 minutes...he needs 20 or 30 before he's in a deep enough sleep).  Now I'll admit I forgot to mention the reason I knew he would wake up is because my bedroom door is squeaky.  So anyway, my excitement was quickly squished and hoping he would go back to sleep in the next 15 minutes even though I was doubtful, I sat by the monitor and listened to him scream.  Finally I joined my little fella in bed an nursed him to sleep in ten minutes. The whole process took almost 2 hours.  Ugh.  I know it could be worse.  I hope from here on out he falls asleep on his own easier each time.  I'm hoping that his naps will get longer during the day so I can get things done during the day and get to go to sleep when Kai goes to sleep.

I really wish sleep training was easier...

Ramblings

My darling boy is tucked quietly away for the night, and here I am...I now have to start staying up later than him to get everything I need to get done done. 

This week is my second week back to full on classes and  I'm a little stressed!  I love what I do, but man is it a lot of work after not working at all for 5 months (if you don't count mama hours...lol)!  So I have 7 dances to finish choreographing, and 2 musical theatre montages to set.  My brain is having a hard time fitting all of the steps and sequences in!  I know all will be fine, but it's just getting all the pieces done before festival.  Plus I am coming in after someone else choreographing the first half of everything so that's difficult.

So every day I try harder to really figure out Kai's natural rhythm.  I've been reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", and for the most part it has been helpful.  Kai had colic, and is still only sleeping 30 minutes to an hour at nap times.  When he sleeps only for 30 minutes he's only up for about an hour before he needs to go take another nap.  This is pretty draining, but everything I've read says that we can't teach babies to sleep longer, but we can teach them when and how to fall asleep.  So, try try and try again is all I can do.  I'm hoping his 30 minute naps will all turn into hour naps eventually, but for now I'm just gonna have to deal ;)

And now for a little rant about EI...
So I started teaching again in November, and had to fill out a self-employment questionnaire so that they know how much I may or may not be working.  The last time I filled out my report online it said they needed more information and to call to complete the report.  Well, that report was for the last 2 weeks of November, and since then I have been trying to get through to EI over the phone.  Every time I call it says "Call volume is very high.  We cannot connect your call.  Please try again later."  (THEY DON'T EVEN PUT ME ON HOLD!)  I called my MP's office today because basically I haven't been payed since then because my reports aren't getting done.  I was told that someone took care of it, but now when I go online my claim has been deactivated because my report wasn't filled out in time!  WTF?!  I'm hoping that by tomorrow it will all be worked out, but something needs to change.  They need to hire more people at EI to help with the high call volume!

So now, I must fold some laundry (and by some I mean about 4 loads!), and get to bed at a reasonable hour seeing as my 4 month old likes to wake up at about 6am.

Until next time...peace.

Welcome!

I'm inspired to start writing again!

I just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in September 2011, and am thrilled to be a mother (although exhausted)!  I hope that this blog will give me the opportunity to release my joys and burdens into the world and off my shoulders.  I have always found writing very therapeutic, but usually lose my way somewhere along the road.  So here I am once again, beginning a new chapter in my life! 

My goal:
To always strive for a healthy, balanced, energetic and creative life for both my self and my son.  This means watching what I eat and making sure I exercise, taking time to get outside and enjoy the fresh air with my baby boy, doing something creative for myself once a week at least, taking "mama" time to re-fill my well, and watching less TV.  I think the TV is going to be the only hard thing.  I know I don't watch even half what I used to, being a busy mama, but I would like my son to grow up without a TV addiction!

My son is now telling me it's time for me to get off the computer, so that is all for now.

Peace and Creativity